Two Years, Three Months, Twenty Days Later

So. I have been Reading on line.
Lurking.
Dressing up as Grammacello for my Hallowe'en
Concert, along with 30 kids.
Living my life, as we tend to do, but at the same time,
Having A Crisis.
One of my students found this blog and read it. Asked me why I don't I keep it any more?
I have been thinking about this.
Here's the thing....
My tiny perfect life by the lake didn't work out in a big way....Let's see-I'm still married, still teaching, dogs all fine, ditto kids and grandkids. But WHEN: the neighbour from HELL moves into the townhouse next door, reports your innocent cello teaching to the town, after digging up the information that you must be in a detached house to be legal, a small but salient fact that NO-ONE else seems to know, including the 22 other teachers you work with, most of whom are doing the exact same"illegal" thing, you scoff, (at first) ultimately pay $35,000. plus in legal fees fighting, decide to beat a strategic retreat- [note omission of about seventeen million explanatory details here]move to a detached house not on the lake, sell the townhouse (thankfully!)and regroup, it kind of takes something out of you. Like 2 years, three months and twenty days to get to a place where you feel able to crawl out from under the rock -the one that fell on you-
You have been teaching from home for 31 years, now, albeit in a different city where it is, by the way, ALSO illegal, although you were never caught....
Anyway, where you feel slightly more able to put anything of yourself out there.
I still read the blogs of some of my commenters. Have found others as well. But don't even comment. Just hide, licking my wounds and wondering how it is possible to have been SO badly de-railed on the trust front, not even able to comment.
In the world of crises it is way down there- I know this in my own story even, as I am a Mom whose son has died, I know grief. And crisis.
But the last two years have been very hard.
I am changed- in ways hard to articulate.
I am going to post this. Then I will go around and say "hi" in comments to some people with whom I had begun forming some tiny, tentative connections, two years and more ago.
I will see what happens.