I never like the approach of Easter. My second child, my first son, died April 21, 1992, which, that year, was Easter Monday.There are days when I never consciously think about him at all; more often, he will come to mind in a way that makes me feel exactly as I did at the moment I heard he was dead. And now both the date itself, April 22 and Easter Monday seem like THAT day when they come around.
Nothing has ever been the same. I myself have changed profoundly, such that it would be impossible to imagine where I might have been had he lived.
And the changes in me are not bad, they just are. Some of them are even positive-I am a nicer person, I would say. But the journey from then to now has been a very dark, painful, scary, agonizing one that I would not wish on anyone.
Tonight, I want my little boy.
Nothing has ever been the same. I myself have changed profoundly, such that it would be impossible to imagine where I might have been had he lived.
And the changes in me are not bad, they just are. Some of them are even positive-I am a nicer person, I would say. But the journey from then to now has been a very dark, painful, scary, agonizing one that I would not wish on anyone.
Tonight, I want my little boy.
3 Comments:
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I just can't imagine your pain.
Thank you Jess. I really appreciate you saying this -people usually don't know what to say so they don't say anything. I LIKE to hear and see his name and talk about him. It is a comfort of sorts.
I hate that about people... afraid to say anything... from you have bad breath (nobody wants to hear that but it is appreciated in retrospect) to i'm sorry and this must be really difficult.
Anyway, i'm thrilled to make friends (virtually).!
Post a Comment
<< Home