Ah well, since it has been a month now, I had better fess up and say that I stopped writing in here with a "who would want to read this boring stuff/I have nothing interesting to say/ It is reminding me that I will never have "my own" little kids around again -those days are gone gone gone (I actually have lots of kids here all the time with the students in and out all week, but....) So I would have to say also that I wish my grandbabies were closer- I only see them a couple or so times a year and it makes me SO SAD.
Worse , far worse, I want my own boy who died back- this is a hard time of year. He died on Easter Monday so it is usually like there are 2 bad days to get through- that day, and the actual date, which is April 21. Easter was late that year.
I have been sick with a lot of what are likely mind/body very connected things this year and depressed as a result,or the other way around. Probably impossible to sort out the egg chicken thing.
But, it is March Break and my best friend, who I haven't seen in a YEAR is coming for a sleepover, LOL- John will be away that night. That is good.
We are going to Seattle over Easter to see my daughter and husband and Grandbabies so that is great.
Jess, you were nice to comment- like, someone is actually out there in the howling wilderness.
It made me feel like crying.
Today we took the dogs on an urban adventure- we have decided- John and I , to ultimately go around the WHOLE of Lake Ontario visiting every public water access point. This is a, like, years long project but we are having a great time so far- we go one afternoon a week-end usually, using Lake Ontario Waterfront Trail maps that we downloaded. We drive to wherever we left off and then walk or bike or poke around- it is amazing how it feels as if we have been away for much longer that a few hours.
I have always made it a deliberate policy to tell the truth, which I try to do here. But, then there is also the issue of boundaries. These are terribly important too, as my 6 years in therapy, still very much on-going, has made clear. How do other people deal with this apparent discrepancy?
Kai, my 4 year old grandson, LOVES his pink Fussy shirt-intended for his little sister, really-it is his favourite shirt. He also does not want his hair cut- he wants to be able to sit on it.... can you say "strong-minded"? This Grandma could not be more pleased.
I will get a picture at Easter when we are there, I hope.
Love to all you internets-isn't it a scary thought how many lives just as complex, conflicted, sad, happy, joyful, boring, fabulous, depressing on and on and on as each other are all going on out there times infinity? It is like gazing into the waves to think of it- too scary to look at, if you really think about what you are seeing....
Worse , far worse, I want my own boy who died back- this is a hard time of year. He died on Easter Monday so it is usually like there are 2 bad days to get through- that day, and the actual date, which is April 21. Easter was late that year.
I have been sick with a lot of what are likely mind/body very connected things this year and depressed as a result,or the other way around. Probably impossible to sort out the egg chicken thing.
But, it is March Break and my best friend, who I haven't seen in a YEAR is coming for a sleepover, LOL- John will be away that night. That is good.
We are going to Seattle over Easter to see my daughter and husband and Grandbabies so that is great.
Jess, you were nice to comment- like, someone is actually out there in the howling wilderness.
It made me feel like crying.
Today we took the dogs on an urban adventure- we have decided- John and I , to ultimately go around the WHOLE of Lake Ontario visiting every public water access point. This is a, like, years long project but we are having a great time so far- we go one afternoon a week-end usually, using Lake Ontario Waterfront Trail maps that we downloaded. We drive to wherever we left off and then walk or bike or poke around- it is amazing how it feels as if we have been away for much longer that a few hours.
I have always made it a deliberate policy to tell the truth, which I try to do here. But, then there is also the issue of boundaries. These are terribly important too, as my 6 years in therapy, still very much on-going, has made clear. How do other people deal with this apparent discrepancy?
Kai, my 4 year old grandson, LOVES his pink Fussy shirt-intended for his little sister, really-it is his favourite shirt. He also does not want his hair cut- he wants to be able to sit on it.... can you say "strong-minded"? This Grandma could not be more pleased.
I will get a picture at Easter when we are there, I hope.
Love to all you internets-isn't it a scary thought how many lives just as complex, conflicted, sad, happy, joyful, boring, fabulous, depressing on and on and on as each other are all going on out there times infinity? It is like gazing into the waves to think of it- too scary to look at, if you really think about what you are seeing....
1 Comments:
Hi Gramma! I'm glad you came back! Your words are thoughtful, articulate and touching. I, for one, really enjoy reading mothers who have older kids because we are all going to be there some day.
Getting people to read is tough. It takes patience and work... keep commenting on other blogs and it will happen for you!
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